What A Boy Wants. What a Boy Needs. Romancing the Stone

Let's talk about sex, baby.


An insight into a boy's sexual development:
(It appears that boys begin their sexual development around age 11 - so I will be using the term "boys" as opposed to "men" while discussing this chapter.)
Boys want three basic things when it comes to sex and romance.

1. Boys want to love and be loved.


2. Boys want to satisfy their sexual impulses. (Many have years of experience with this going "solo" before attempting to satisfy their needs with a partner.)


3. Boys want to be manly.
   

Although boys want to love and be loved many struggle and misread cues from girls and will choose simple sex over a true relationship with intimacy. Some just give up trying to figure out how to have any relationship (a true relationship or just sex relationship).

Boys want to satifsy their sexual impulses, but sex is a complicated process. There is potential for frustration and failure and rejection. If a boy does not know how to cope with these feelings there's a chance he might react with anger.

Boys want to be seen as manly. They fear dependence on a girl because they fear they will be devastated by that girl. Boys want to seem powerful and dominate over women (again for fear of being rejected).

Each boy is given a sexual script that is determined by their neighborhood, school, and ethnic/religious context. Since sexual development happens at the same time the culture of cruelty begins boys will push aside any "femine" feelings they may be having and instead try to make themselves appear manly.

What we can do!

• Fathers can model respect for women.
• Mothers can help their son understand a girl's point of view.
• Everyone else in a boy's life can encourage connectedness to others.